


soldier again

by nemes1s



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Gen, HE DESERVES BETTER., Hurt, Sort Of, THE 'YOU' IM REFFERING TO IS TUBBO JUST TO BE CLEAR, Toby Smith | Tubbo Needs a Hug, Toby Smith | Tubbo-centric, all of the other characters are only briefly mentioned, its in second person pov, its not that heavy, no beta we die like my motivation after writing this, so just bitter, without the sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29130642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nemes1s/pseuds/nemes1s
Summary: the only thing you knew was war
Kudos: 22





	soldier again

**Author's Note:**

> sorry HAHAHAHA

you have been many things. sometimes it’s hard to remember the ones that should count.

you’ve been a kid, a soldier, a right-hand man, a president, a soldier again and then a child. sometimes you think being a child is worse than anything you’ve ever had to be. because you know that title doesn’t do you justice. and you know they can’t call you a kid anymore.

you don’t remember being a kid for very long. you know, at least, that it wasn’t long enough. you know, at least, that there was never a grace period between kid and soldier. it doesn’t matter how fast you were expected to grow out of your own body. you did it anyway. its impossible to fit things you’ve outgrown. 

you fought because you had to. you remember that. you knew people you cared about would die. you tried so hard. you still notice that in the way your hands are having trouble remembering how to stay steady. you never liked the weapons. you still don’t.

your friend, the blonde boy with a far away smile and a fire in his eyes, doesn’t like to admit many things. you were his right hand man! not anymore. he was a right hand man once too. that thought stings a lot more than you thought. now you are equal. you notice that he tries to protect you. you notice that he clutches his weapons and you notice his eyes glaze over slightly when he’s taking off his armour. you also notice that he doesn’t want you to notice these things. so you pretend you don’t, and in turn, he pretends not to notice how you smile a little less than you you used to and how your breath hitches slightly at the sight of tnt. 

you remember a wise man who was never as wise as you’d thought. you just wish you could’ve helped him. you think that l’manburg died with him. that the nation died when even the first president could no longer uphold the same rules that kept it strong in the first place. you like to hope that he didn’t put you in charge just to watch you fail. he must’ve known you would. you never really wanted to be president. thats why when the tall, half-enderman decided to run in the next election, you didn’t feel any need to stop him or protect your position. he wanted to be there. he would do better than you.

the next time you were a soldier, you had already given up. you’d seen what happens to nations when they fall apart. you didn’t expect it to feel this bad. you knew you had no right to feel betrayed. they called him the blood god and you never stood a chance. you were past anger. there was no point in being angry, because who did you have to be angry for? you had learnt kids are always angry for themselves. you were not a kid anymore.

the word child held a lot of weight. it was  _ almost  _ frustrating that the weight didn’t break even. the word child meant nothing. you were nothing. the world just kept moving. almost like it was ignoring you. thats the thing about pain, it doesn’t freeze time for everyone, just you. sometimes you woke up at 12pm and wondered where midnight went. sometimes you didn’t wake up until late evening and wondered when you would be able to breathe as easy as everyone else. tommy would say never. you would laugh him off, but you knew he was probably right.

maybe one day you can be a soldier again. it was easier than this.

**Author's Note:**

> i tried to write in second person & honestly im not very happy with it LMAO it sounds very wrong to me maybe i should rewrite this in third person just to see if i like it better. i dont hate it its just different yknow.  
> THANK YOU FOR READING:]]]


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